I can feel you falling
2002-05-26
Listening to Marilyn Manson.. Tainted love. I love that song. *singing*
The sun is shining through my window, and I'm going home soon. Maybe he'll call me.. Maybe I'll freak out.. Maybe I'll run scared to my room because I suddenly won't dare to talk to him.. Maybe I'll tell my mom to tell him I'm not home.. And maybe I'll smile and talk to him.. Maybe I'll meet him.. And maybe I'll.. not trust him..
I don't know what to believe.. There are lots of people telling me to stay away from the guy.. I listen to them, but I still don't hear them out.. It's like my heart won't listen to the words they are saying.. My heart only listens to the things people say about him that are good to hear.. Like:
I've never seen him act like that before.
He really wants a relationship with you.
I've never heard him say things like that to a girl.
He says you're the girl of his dreams.
He's liked you for a long time now.
You're sweet together.
He's your perfect match.
I do not want to hear things like this:
He smokes a lot of weed.
He has three girlfriends at the same time.
He seems charming, but just wait until he forces himself on you..
Hmm.. It's weird. I thought the list of negative things were longer. But I've heard more.. or have I? Maybe it's just that I've heard the same things often..? Or maybe it's just that I don't want to remember any more bad things..
I just don't want to get hurt again.. I just don't want whatever we have now, to end.. I just don't want him to treat me like he treated all the other girls.. I just don't want it to happen..
I just want to have fun again.. I just want whatever we have now, to last.. I just want him to treat me like he treats the persons he love. I just want it to happen.. and then not regret it when it does..
I sent my ex a mail.. Telling him that I often think of forgetting him.. not speaking to him ever again.. not knowing he's around on this earth.. I sent him a song that describes it:
You and I got something, but it's all and then it's nothing to me/And I got my defences when it comes to your intentions for me/ And we wake up in the breakdown of the things we never thought we could be..
I'm not the one who broke you, I'm not the one you should fear/We got to move you darling
I thought I lost you somewhere, but you were never really ever there at all..
And I want to break free/ talk to me/ I can feel you falling/ I wanted to be all you need / Somehow here is gone
I am not sollution to the sound of this pollution in me/ And I was not the answer/ so forget you ever thought it was me
I'm not the one who broke you / I'm not the one you should fear / We got to move you darling
I thought I lost you somewhere, but you were never really ever there at all
And I want to break free/ talk to me/ I can feel you falling/ I wanted to be all you need / Somehow here is gone
And I don't need the fallout of all the past that's here between us/And I'm not holding on/ And all your lies weren't enough to keep me here
And I want to break free/ talk to me/ I can feel you falling/ I wanted to be all you need / Somehow here is gone
And I want to break free/ talk to me/ I can feel you falling/ I wanted to be all you need / Somehow here is gone
- Goo Goo Dolls
I don't think he feels so good right now.. When I ask him how he's doing, he just says: It's ok.
Ok is not good.. but ok is not bad either. But I just think he's saying ok, because he doesn't want people feeling sorry for him..
He never wanted to tell me when things bothered him, he never ever told me why he was crying at home.. he never told me the important stuff.. he never allowed me to get to know him.. He knows everything about me, and more.. and I know nothing..
No wonder I have trust issues..
*I can feel you falling...*