Cookie monsters

2002-06-01

So.. now it's june. The month of summer. It's a beautiful day today. The sun is shining, and I'm actually happy.. Or glad is maybe the word that fits my mood better.

I think I'm going to show KD that I'm really happy to see him when I see him on wednesday. I never show him how I feel.. But I think I'm gonna start showing it. Maybe I'll even tell him that I've missed him.. "You do something to me, that I can't explain. So would I be out of line.. If I said: I miss you!" But now I'm afraid that if I start showing it, then he'll lose interest.. I'm so fucked up! WHY do I think those things?!?

I'm just so afraid of being hurt again. I don't think I can take another broken heart so soon after the last one.. Which is still broken, so in theory, it can't be broken again! Now, that's a comfort.....

Nothing eaten today. But the day is still young.. I guess this day will be like yesterday.. Food.. Even though I don't want it. I have this feeling that if I eat.. I won't be me anymore. That I loose something of myself every time my stomach gets filled with something other than chocolate! That I'm not special anymore.. I feel like food ruins everything!

The word cookiemonster gets a whole other meaning when you have an eating disorder..

yesterday or tomorrow