It happened...
2002-05-24
Uhm..so it happened.. He kissed me. It was wednesday, just before I was going to get on my train. We'd been flirting all night, as usual.. And when he followed me to the station, it happened.. The train was there, waiting to leave, and I was running towards it.. Then he just turned my head, and kissed me.. Suddenly I wasn't running anymore..
I stopped completely.. my mind disconnected.. and I was terrified at the same time I was more happy than I had ever been before.
He tried to kiss me again, but I turned my head the other way.. He tried several times, and I turned away every time.. I wanted to kiss him, but.. I didn't want to either.. all at the same time.
Then we talked.. and somehow, I got it to sound like I was the one who didn't want to get into a relationship.. so we agreed to stay like this.. like.. more than friends, not boyfriend/girlfriend.. We sat down to wait for another train to come, since I missed the last one.. And we sat close.. talking.. His arm around me.. And then suddenly, we kissed.. Not just him, but WE kissed.. And suddenly I wasn't terrified anymore.. I was.. somehow missing in action. But.. I can't say that either, because I was THERE.. I'm actually just saying this as an excuse for what I did.. And there isn't any..
I don't trust the guy.. It takes a long time for me to trust someone, and I'm not sure we have that time. So I'm thinking.. I have these stupid rules..
Like.. never trust a person who kisses you with their eyes open.
I was curious.. I looked.. They were closed...
If a person kisses you soft, they really care about you.. This was, honestly speaking, the softest kiss I have ever received..
Then he told me he was just as inlove with me, as I was in him.. Yeah right.. But he said something that made me unsure.. He said: I've been interested in you since the first time I saw you DJ'ing.. (That's like three months ago.. or something.. or maybe even longer.) So I asked.. why haven't he told me before. He said: I was with someone back then.. so I just decided NOT to talk to you.. so I wouldn't be even more interested..Then suddenly, he talked to me.. one day.. When he wasn't with that girl anymore.. He talked to me..
And he said: Remember that time when I was going to get my sweater in the room you were.. ? (I said no, 'cause I didn't..) And he said.. You were standing infront of it, so I gently pushed you aside, and picked up my sweater, before I gently pushed you back again..? (Then I remembered.. I didn't even know the guy back then, so.. I found it weird..)
That was three or four months ago..
Do I really want to believe that it means something, the fact that he actually remembers?!? I mean.. I'm more inlove than I have been for years, and not even I remember..
I'm seing him tonight again..